Which one would you choose?

Over the next several weeks, I research, for my own sanity, the symptoms of depression. I realize I do not have them. I am merely going through the grievance process and every single feeling and emotion is expected. Even the days where I go back 3 steps - totally expected and NORMAL. But, upon researching the symptoms, I begin to believe that my husband may not be so lucky. His personality change. His withdrawal from me and his hobby...all signs that he is definetely depressed. I talk to him numerous times and finally, after months of denial, about two weeks ago he admits it. Like a miracle, as soon as he he admitted it he got better. Our relationship is better than ever and he is back to collecting his 'crap' as I affectionately call it.

It was Cindy's 6 month anniversary yesterday. SIX MONTHS since the day she died - I can't believe it's been that long. Six months and STILL no autopsy results. Turns out the woman that was assigned to the case, went out on sick leave for 6 weeks and they never reassigned the case. She's back now - and we still have no answers. I just wish I knew what happened.

Welcome to the present day....

My father in law has been suffering from cancer for about 7 years now. It started as bladder cancer and then went to prostrate. After 2 sessions of chemo and 1 radiation, my father in law, now 76, refused any further treatment. That is his choice. His right. It's his life.

About 3 years ago he suffered a stroke. During the tests following that, they found a spot on his brain. The doctors wanted to do more tests to see if it was scar tissue from the stroke or if the cancer spread to his brain. He knew he would NOT be treating it if it was cancer, so instead of doing the test, he decided he didn't want to know what it was. It was never spoken of again.

Over the past year he has been suffering from, what doctors call, dementia. His long term memory is as sharp as a tack, short term...he can't remember what you told him 2 seconds ago. All that is fine and dandy, but when whatever he has makes him violent - it's time to take action.

My mother in law called me this morning, in tears. Last night my father in law got so violent that she actually feared for her life. She tells me that recently he gets really aggrevated at night. I recall my girlfriend who is going through the same thing with her step father and there was a specific name linked to it - Sundown Syndrome. I print out information on it, leave work and bring it to my mother in laws office. She brings me to the break room and fills me in on EVERYTHING.

He's turned extremely violent at night. Has physically tried to hurt her. Has accused her of cheating on him. He has threatened to kill her, others and himself. Remembering he has a gun cabinet I tell her she needs to get the keys immediately! I tell her she can NOT handle him on her own anymore. She is to keep her cell phone in her pocket at all times, and she HAS to call either one, or both of her sons, and/or the police - regardless of the time!

This is NOT something she can take lightly. She needs to not only protect herself, and virtual strangers, but him as well. We all know this isn't him, it's the disease, but there comes a time and a place we have to say ENOUGH and do something that we never thought we would have to do, like possibly call the police on him, so he can be sedated.

I told my mother of the latest developments and she says, "See, this is why I would refuse chemo. If he would've just let it take him all those years ago, he wouldn't be going through this now." I don't necessarily agree with that statement, so I came in here to get your view on the situation....

Here is this 76 year old man, that raised the man that love, slowly succumbing to the inevitable...and there was Cindy, 49, and suddenly taken from us. Both are heartbreaking stories - but what would you choose?

Would you choose to let the disease win without a fight from the very beginning or would you fight, get 7-10 more years of life, even if they weren't healthy years?