Monday night Nick came home from basketball practice in a foul mood (no pun intended). So much so, that Michael flew off the handle and World War III started at my house.
Now, I totally understand WHY he lost it; Nick totally disrespected both of us, but when Michael flips like that, it scares Christopher - hell, it scares me too. Immediately after the blow out, Michael and I left for the gym with my words to Christopher being, "Take a shower and stay away from your brother!"
We return from the gym, and Michael immediately goes into Nick's room and they 'talk'. The door opens and Nick is in tears. I don't say anything. Those of you that know Nick know he is not the huggy, mushy kind of kid. I seriously think since kindergarten I've received 1, 2, 3 maybe 4 hugs from him.
I tell Chris to brush his teeth and I start getting his bed ready when Nick says to me, "This day sucks!" Normally, that type of talk wouldn't be accepted, but he's 16 and mad and I now is NOT the time to get on him for saying 'sucks'. Moments later he says, "Me and ...... broke up." My mouth hits the floor and he flies into my arms, crying on my shoulder.
Now his foul mood before makes sense!!!
My heart breaks for him. Yes, this is what I wanted. This is what I was waiting for, but seeing him hurt like this....I didn't want THIS!
"Why did you break up?" I ask.
"Because nothing was working. We were constantly fighting."
"But you told me that's the way she was - she loved to fight." He doesn't say anything, or I don't remember what he said, but I add, "I'm sorry."
The next night, Christopher has a Christmas concert - followed by the kindergarteners putting on a play. I dread the play. Why, oh why, can't they just put their play on for their own parents? Why does the whole school have to be forced to watch it? Yes, I know the first few minutes will be cute, but after that - please shoot me, right?
Wrong!
They were really good. No, wait, they were really, really, REALLY good. They made us go awww, and made us laugh, they made us remember what Christmas was about, they made me sit there with tears in my eyes at the end, just because it was just so darn adorable. Needless to say, I felt like a complete idiot because its not like MY kid was in it; but I just couldn't help it.
We come home afterwards, and Nick is on the phone with his bff, Adam, laughing and joking and laughing some more. This is good.
Yesterday was Nick's first official basketball game. They were playing against the catholic high school that he almost went to, and he knows several of the kids on the team. Adam and his mom, Jeanie, (I've spoke of her several times), come to the game because his Adam goes to the other school.
Nick's team got killed, but it was a good effort on their part. Nick played about half of the game, but was off on his shots. He is ALOT more aggressive, confident and handles the ball alot better than he used to. I was impressed to say the least.
During break I took Jeanie and my mom around the school a bit. There school is only 3 years new and is GORGEOUS!!!! So, while we were talking Jeanie says, "I have to tell you something. Adam asked Nick why he would date someone like.....if they were always fighting? Nick said because its better than having no one."
Wait....what?
She continues on...."Adam told him he doesn't need a girlfriend and Nick said yes I do. Adam said no you don't, and Nick said yes I do."
This is my good looking, atheletic, popular, great sense of humor, funny, teenage son and he HAS to have a girlfriend? Where the heck did THAT come from?
Sworn to secrecy that I was told this valueable information, I immediately start to plan how to broach this subject without it being obvious.
When I was getting ready for work this morning I non-chalantly asked him, "So, tell me something, when you and ....were fighting, was it because you were hanging out with your friends?"
"Yeah. But I was usually hanging out with my friends when she couldn't get together and she'd still get mad when I'd hang out with them."
"Well, most girlfriends are like that. They are going to want your time. So, why not just hang with your friends and concentrate on basketball right now?"
"(past girlfriend) wasn't like that."
"Well, then, if you're going to have a girlfriend, you need to chose more carefully. Pick someone that doesn't care if you hang with your friends."
"Friends come first!" he states, seriously.
"Yes, they do; until you're married, so enjoy them now."
Don't know if the conversation made an impact on him or not, but sitting here at work I realized something.
He - Is - Me!
He is sooo much like me it's almost scarey. I used to think the same way, I HAD to have a boyfriend and when a relationship ended, I hopped right into another. I never had ME time, or girlfriend time, and I regret that.
So, how do I get Nick to not make the same mistakes I did? How do I get Nick to realize there is so much more to life than having a girlfriend? How do I get him to NOT BE ME?
The perpetual dilema
14 years ago
Poor thing! Good thing though that he says friends come first..
ReplyDeleteI really love how he really does keep his own opinion though.. Like the other day when he said she was a jerk..
gaaaah. My head hurts just thinking about it. No advice here. I just remember living by the saying, "Guys come and go, girlfriends are forever." And I was always comfortable being alone, somehow. I think only b/c I had a friend who's mom was SO not comfortable being alone, and we watched her jump from man to man, so I was not going to be like that. Any men out out there like that you point out to him? Or what about pointing out how independent Jeff is and how cool that is? ok, had advice. :)
ReplyDeleteFIrst off, it's a good start that you're realizing this. And it has to be said that if he turns out like you, it wouldn't be such a bad thing. Granted, I'm sure there's a lot about you I don't know...but still. I think it'd be good to start talking about yourself as a teenager. What your experiences were, what you dealt with. If you think the stories are too mature for him, maybe tone it down a little but don't baby him. He'll appreciate the fact that you're trusting him with the facts as he's almost an adult. I know that may be hard to swallow but it's the truth. I remember when I had my first broken heart. My mom told me about herself in the same situation. She said looking back, it was something she didn't regret because it made her the person she is today, that it's still hard but that things happen for a reason.
ReplyDeleteWhat he's going through is completely normal. I remember thinking the same thing. All my friends had boyfriends (none of which are still together) and I was single and not exactly ready to mingle. There's nothing wrong with being single. Especially at such a young age. Teenagers are still figuring out who THEY are; they're nowhere near being able to understand a second person. I'm actually glad I didn't have a significant other at that age. I honestly wouldn't know what to do. At 22, I still don't know if I'm completely ready.