Thanks, I feel better now...

On Wednesday, when I took off of work, I called in and left messages on the boss and the office managers voice mail. During that one minute message, I explained why I wouldn't be there, and as much as I hated to do it I cried. Not just cried - borderline sobbed, as I told them about the autopsy results.

So, when I got into work yesterday, I braced myself for the questions, "Are you okay? How are you doing? How's your mom?" You can imagine my surprise when the only question I got was...NOTHING. Not one flippin' word. Not I'm sorry. Not how are you doing? NOTHING. Guess they were sympathetic when she first died and that was the limit. Gotta love 'the office'.

During lunch, yesterday, I went to the cemetery. I usually try to go at least once a week, and I was just there on Tuesday afternoon. But there was something I had to do. Something I had to say to Cindy, that even though I was afraid I'd feel bad afterwards, I just HAD to do it. I walked over to her, kissed my hand and touched her marker as I always do and yelled, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MAD I AM AT YOU?! DO YOU!!??" Then I cried, prayed, said I loved her and missed her, kissed my hand and touched her marker again and left...sobbing my way to car.

But you know what?

I felt 110% better! A weight had been lifted and I know I'll be okay now. I'm upset, but I'm not angry and bitter like I was when I first heard the news.

My mother called her neurosurgeon yesterday to inform him of the results. He explained that pneumonia can kill VERY quickly and my mother was thinking she wasn't sick for a few weeks like we thought. I tried explaining to my mother that she didn't wake up on Friday with pneumonia and die on Saturday morning. She got pissed and started yelling at me that this came from a doctor and I said, "Mom, she had a cold, like all her friends said, and it TURNED into pneumonia! So, yes, she may have only had pneumonia for a few days, but she was still sick with a cold, FIRST!" When she started 'listening' to what I was saying, she realized I was right.

Tomorrow is our cookie baking day with Nick's girlfriend. I'm really not in the mood for this now, as I've lost most of the Christmas spirit I had, but I think it'll be good, for all 3 of us. I can't wait to tell you how it goes on Monday ;)