Catching up...

As promised, here is a new blog.

Christmas went pretty well considering it was the first one without Cindy. My mom spent the night and REALLY enjoyed being there in the morning, to open the gifts and watch the kids open theirs. A new tradition has definetely started and we all cherished her being part of our Christmas morning.

Other than my father in law almost choking to death during dinner, and my aunt tripping and hitting the floor HARD, it was a nice Christmas.

About 2 days after Christmas, I got a phone call at work with my mother in law in hysterics. I couldn't even tell it was her and it took me a few seconds to figure it out. When I heard "called 911 on my husband" I knew it was her. She eventually put my brother in law on the phone and he told me that my father in law had another dementia episode and almost killed her. She managed, miraculously, to run out of the house and she ran to a neighbors to call the police. We all firmly believe, AND KNOW, if she didn't take advantage of that split second she had to make a run for it, she wouldn't be here today - THAT'S how bad it was.

I called my husband, and after finishing some stuff at work, met her and my brother in law at the local hospital. We met with social workers and it was decided that he would be sent to a psychiatric hospital, where they could thoughly test him and get him on medications that would hopefully help him. I spent several hours there until my husband arrived. Yes, I could've stayed, but to be honest, when she was looking at me for advice, I gave it, reluctantly, because, after all, he is NOT my father, and I felt it really was NOT my place to give my opinion. But she asked for it and I gave it.

A few days later she informed me that there was going to be a 'family meeting for her and 'the boys' to hear what the hospital recommended be done for my father in law. To be honest, that insulted me. She way she said it, the tone in her voice, the emphasis on family meeting and the fact I was NOT to be included - rubbed me the wrong way.

Yes, giving my opinion at the hospital made me feel uncomfortable, but shouldn't I have been included in a family meeting? Invited? Been considered part of the family after being in the family for almost 20 years? Wouldn't they want someone, once removed, who is most likely thinking more open minded, and more clearly to be there? To maybe remember something that they would forget, because I'm not as emotionally involved as they are? I can guarantee you one thing, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would want my husband there - for support, at least. And aren't any decisions that are made, directly affect the kids ?

I didn't say anything though. I kept my mouth shut and even kept my hopes going until my husband emailed me saying he was leaving work for meeting. Even until the last possible second, I hoped he would at least say, 'I wish you were going, but I know it makes you feel uncomfortable.' I hoped after being in the family after 20 years, ALWAYS being there for my mother in law when she needed me, despite our HUGE differences, that when the *hit hit the fan, I'd finally be 'accepted' and 'wanted' in that family.

Over the next few days, I didn't say anything. I knew I had to talk to my husband about all this, but I didn't want to bother him with my petty little problems, when he was going through so much. I felt horrible because I felt like I was being selfish, but that didn't change the fact I was hurt. But again, it just wasn't the right time. So, I'd listen to my husband talk, and be there when he was emotionally distraught, and I continued to kept my mouth shut.

Eventually though, everything came out and my husband was beside himself. I, after all, told him I was uncomfortable making decisions etc., so the thought never even crossed his mind that I wanted to be included. I could definetely see his point, and I know I was being unfair, or hormonal, or whatever, but regardless, it still hurt. All I wanted was to hear from him, 'I really want you there, but I understand how you feel.'

Weeks later, as I type this, I am reminded that I didn't follow the one thing in our relationship that has kept us going and happy all these years. The one thing that has kept us going, through good times and bad throughout our entire relationship and that is, communication, communication, communication. If you don't talk about your issues they sit there and fester and become BIGGER issues, and sometimes something that was so small to begin with, can become so big that it is unfixable.

I was lucky this time. The hurt won and I couldn't keep it in any longer. I hate to think what would've happened if I just let that hurt build and build and build. I'll tell you one thing, I won't make that same mistake again.