Once upon a time...

I figured before we go any further, I should tell you a bit about my childhood, and a little bit more about who I am, and the relationship I have with my family, including my sister.

I was born and raised in Staten Island, New York. I'm the youngest child of three, with Cindy being the oldest, and Jeff, my brother, being the middle child. There are four years between each of us.

We grew up in a typical, middle-class, American family. My Mom was a stay at home Mom, and my Dad was a NYC corrections officer. My Dad was the strict one -but that's what he grew up with, and that's what he knew. You did what he said, WHEN he said it, or you'd be sorry. Cindy and Jeff took the brunt of this. I guess by the time I came around, he had lightened up a bit, or I just really behaved - don't know which.

My idol growing up was none other than my big brother. I was a tom-boy and hung around with him more than he probably really wanted me to, but he was a good sport about it. We played Star Trek and used all the fazer's and communication thingies he made himself!!! We went dirt biking, and when we were on long car trips with our parents, he sat in the back seat with me, with a Golden, hard covered book, pretending it was a steering wheel right along with me. When we visited extended family, if there were no cousins around, Jeff and I would play cards or board games, until it was finally time to leave. He was my hero, the coolest big brother EVAH, and I loved him to death!

The relationship with my sister, Cindy, was different. She was eight years older than me and thought she was my second mother. When we went to visit extended family, she was 'too old and mature' to hang with me and Jeff, so she'd be in the other room with the 'adults.' Although, physical fighting was forbidden in the house, we verbally fought constantly and I disliked her for always bossing me around. She moved out on her own when I was about ten or so. Things improved once she moved out of the house, and we got along pretty well. Once I became an adult, there were times I considered her one of my closest friends, and on occasion my best friend, but then something would always seem to happen. She's say or do something that rubbed me the wrong way, and we'd argue and be mad at each other for a while. But, after a few weeks, things would smooth over and I'd consider her a good friend again. We had our ups and downs, but we were always there for the each other. THIS was our relationship.

My sister was born premature and always had problems doing things that every other child takes for granted. She was always off balance, could never really ride a bike very well, never learned how to roller skate, and always complained of headaches. It wasn't until she was 18 that we learned she had been suffering from hydrocephalus her whole life. (Water on the brain). www.hydrocephalus.org/facts.htm

After 42 surgeries (because her body kept rejecting the shunt), sometimes three or four in one year, and after missing my wedding day because of complications from a surgery which left her partially paralyzed (temporarily), she finally had a stretch with no surgeries. She did, however, suffer several ramifications from that last surgery like having to walk with a cane (because her balance was worse), being partially deaf in one ear, and having a lazy eye.

Not being able to work due to her disability, and realizing the fact that she could not have children, she had a choice to make. She could sit at home and feel sorry for herself, or she could do something about it.

She turned to volunteer work.

She taught CCD at her catholic church, and taught the children's choir. She volunteered at NYU's pediatric ward every Tuesday, and contributed to the hydrocephalus organization by helping people that were recently diagnosed with the condition, come to terms with it, and explain what was happening, and what to expect. She also wrote her story for doctor's conferences and conventions, so they could learn from her experience. She also volunteered at soup kitchens during the holidays and never missed a chance to send EVERYONE cards, for every occasion througout the entire year.

And if this doesn't impress or inspire you, there is so much more to this woman that, unfortunately, we weren't even aware of - that is, until her death.


Cindy and me 1971