Now what do I do?

Nick came to me last night, alone.

He hesitantly says, "Ummm, Mom? I need to talk to you." He sits down, and sighs. I KNEW this was going to be B-I-G! "My girlfriends parents treat her like shit." Now, I haven't talked to her parents since they were in pre-school, but they seemed like pretty good people.

"They do?"

"Yes, they treat her like complete, and total shit! It's so bad, she brought a B home from school and is punished. She went shopping with her Mom, and her Mom flipped out in the store 'in front of everyone' and made her put everything back."

"Well, you have to know, you are only hearing one side of the story Nick."

"Mom, her mother says, 'I'm not sure I like that last thing,' and she said, 'I thought it looked fine' and her mom flipped! Mom, it's so bad she's cutting herself!" My heart immediately sank, followed by the maternal instinct of wanting her to live with us. "She says its the only way she can feel better."

"She needs to talk to someone, Nick. A guidance counselor or a grandparent - someone."

"She's been in counseling with her parents for a while, but its not helping. She said her parents don't do anything that the counselor tells them to."

"Does she get any time alone with the counselor? She needs alone time. She needs to tell him she's doing this, if he doesn't already know."

"I asked her if she did drugs or anything. She said she used to smoke cigarettes but quit."

To lighten the situation, I use comedy, like I usually do, and said, "Tell her to stop cutting and start smoking again." He chuckles, and I say, "What is with your choice of girlfriends, Nick?"

He laughs and said, "I know, but the other one was insane, this one is really, really nice and just needs help."

"Tell her she needs to find another outlet to relieve her stress. Tell her write down her feelings, or sing, or draw. Find soothing music....SOMETHING! She has to find another way to release her anger, because cutting herself is only hurting herself, and its not helping the situation. Tell her to focus on the future. She has 2 more years, and with her grades, she'll get into an amazing college. Tell her to focus on the future. Have her come here; tell her she can come as often as she wants - if she needs a place to escape, we can be that place. She can't spend the night like your bff, but she can spend every weekend here. I know she's extremely shy (due to low self esteem), so she needs time to get to know us. If she starts to trust us, hopefully she'll open up and talk to us and that could help her."

"She didn't want me to tell you, but I told her if I didn't talk to you, I'd be totally stressed out, so she knows I talked to you."

I can not tell you how blessed I feel to have my teenage son come to me. To know he trusts me enough to talk to me about this. When he was little we were at each others throats, it makes me feel sooo good to know he trusts me. Most teenagers would NEVER go to their parents about things; I didn't, and know his 2 bff's don't - I'm totally, and completely blessed to have that relationship with him.

When we woke up this morning, I had to ask him a question. I knew it was a bad question, but I wanted to know how he felt.

"So, after sleeping on it, what are you going to do with her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to stay with her?"

"Mom, she's not like the other one who was psycho - she's really nice and I'm standing by her."

I am a little concerned, but so proud at the same time.

So, let me hear any advice you have. I don't know his girlfriend, at all, but Nick cares about her, so that means I care about her too. Advice? Suggestions?

Kids say the funniest things....

So, I brought my car into the dealership earlier in the week because the passenger side door latch isn't latching properly. I drive a Chevy Traverse - 8 passenger SUV, with power locks, windows, satellite radio, onstar, and a backup camera.

The dealership was nice enough to cover a loaner for me. I joked with the service manager about arranging a corvette, and we both got a good chuckle over that. What I ended up getting was a Chevy Aveo. Cute little 4 door car, bright red and with a lot of spunk.

When I picked it up I had Chris with me and once all the papers were signed, and I took out the insurance, (because you KNOW I'd get into an accident if I didn't), we crammed ourselves into the little car.

Once on the road, Chris asks, "What's this?"

"What's what?" I ask. (I'm driving, and can't look at what he's referring to).

"This handle on the door." At a red light I look and chuckle.

"It's the handle to roll down the window."

"It is? What do you do with it?"

"You turn it and the window comes down."

"Can I do it?"

"Sure!" I sat there amazed.

I always find it weird that my kids will never know what life is like without computers, cell phones, video games with AMAZING graphics, and Hi-Def TV. But I never really thought about the little things - like a window handle, or having to manually pull up and push down the door locks.

But when our children live in the technological society in which we have today, where there are tv's built into the cars, and 3D tv's, of course they wouldn't know something as manual as that.

Kind of makes me wonder what their kids will have. I mean, how much further can we actually go? Will their kids be saying, "There used to be cars that actually had wheels and stayed on the road?!!?"

Scarey isn't it?

Letting go.

I am the baby of the family. I didn't grow up around other family, so I didn't have little cousins to play with or watch grow. So, when Nicholas was born, my first born, it was a totally new experience. In fact, before Nicholas, I hadn't even held a newborn baby. I was truly new to the whole mother thing, and because of that, I was truly fascinated with him.

During the first year, Michael worked 2nd shift, so that would leave me home alone with Nicholas until around 10 or 11pm when Michael would return. I remember filming him c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y. Every little thing he did was filmed, or I was quick to take a picture. I have hours, upon hours of film of him doing nothing in particular; I was just mesmorized with the new things he would learn on his own and the different sounds he would make. During all this filming you can hear Star Trek the next generation playing on the tv in the background-hahaha.

On Thursday nights, my Dad would come over and we'd watch MUST SEE TV Thursday. You remember those days, don't you? Friends, Seinfeld, Frazer the gems of the television world. It was a nice tradition and sometimes I miss that special time I had with my Dad.

The years have since flown by. Nick is now 16-1/2, finishing up his sophmore year in high school, and recently got his drivers permit. He is a good kid, albeit lazy as anything (but what teenager isn't?) He's devoted to his sport (basketball) and a loyal friend and a loyal son. I remember how proud I was when he would stand up for the family when he was going out with "the bad seed."

But now he is starting to reach for his freedom, and as painful as it is, I know I must let him go. He recently got another girlfriend *sigh* He actually went to pre-school with her and they met up a few weeks ago at the bowling alley. She is very, very, shy, but I know her mother and she is beyond strict, so I feel pretty good about their relationship.

Anyway, my parents recently helped us in a huge endeavor, and as a thank you, Michael and I are taking them out to dinner. I made it for a restuarant down the street that they've never been to, but we all LOVE.

However, last night I was informed that Nicholas did not want to go because he wanted to hang out with his bff and his girlfriend instead. (I forgot to mention Nicks girlfriend's bff is dating Nicks bff, which is actually kinda cool.) Anyway, my heart sunk.

"This is a family dinner. You WILL be there!"

"I don't even know what the heck is going on. You say they helped you with something, but I don't even know what it is, so why do I have to go?"

"Because I wanted the whole family to go."

"It's not fair. I want to hang with them instead."

This morning he starts up again.....

"I don't know what the problem is. I'll be home to watch Chris when you go visit Grandpa and then when you get home bff's mom will drive us out to the girlfriends house."

"Because you are supposed to be with the family. You're screwing your family to be with your friends."

He leaves for school, but like I said earlier, Nick puts his family first, so, I knew that statement was going to bother him. But, to be honest, it bothered me too, because I was a teenager once too, and I know how he feels. I suddenly started to feel a little guilty. Needless to say, about 8:30 am I get a text.

"What you said this morning...I'm not screwing the family because there was a family dinner last week and I went to it. If I was screwing the family I would have went out with them last weekend too, but I didn't."

"You are choosing your friends over having dinner with us at one of your favorite restuarants. I also understand your a teenager and that's what happens (been there done that), but I am still a little disappointed. And as far as last weekend, you didn't go to your friends because we said NO. Don't forget who makes the final decisions."

"I know, I'm sorry, but I have to go with them because I went to the dinner last weekend instead, it's to make it fair because I didn't want to keep not going out with them."

"You also don't want to make yourself available ALL the time. Let them know you have a life and family comes first."

"I hung out with the family last weekend instead of them, this weekend I should be able to hang with them instead, so they don't feel like I'm screwing them."

At this point I'm starting realize I have to let this go....I have to let him go, but not before I get one more thing off my chest.

"I'd really like to know when other parents interfere with your plans it's okay, but when we have something to do, we are always the bad guys."

"I've never said you are the bad guys. Things happen, I understand that. I might get mad, but I don't blame it all on you-stuff happens."

What can I say to that? That has got to be the most mature, honest thing he has ever said. My response?

"k"

There's nothing left to say. Though at times he can be a typical teenager who I seriously want to pummel, in the big picture....I'm blessed that I can call him my son.

I open my arms and let him go, as a tear rolls down my cheek.

What do you do?

What do you do when a member of the family comes to you with the news they want to leave their spouse?

This is a couple who has been together for 49+ years and they have BOTH been there for me every time I've needed them.

What do you do when you hear, "I'm tired of being ignored. It's been over 2 weeks and he hasn't spoken to me. He goes out and doesn't tell me. I find myself eating dinner alone every night. What kind of life is that for me? I don't deserve to be treated like this."

As this news is soaking in, I 110% agree with her, but what am I going to do? My first reaction is, "You're right....come live with us, we'd love it!"

But as the days pass, I start to think - do I have a right to get involved? Isn't the other person involved going to feel like I'm taking sides? Am I going to be hated for helping her?

I have lunch with her a few days later, thinking things may have calmed down between them by now, and mention these condo's that are being built down the street from me. They are in an older community (50 year olds and up) and everything they could ever want is within walking distance.

She says, "You wouldn't want me right down the street from you."

I reply, "Sure, I would, but I still don't think he'd like condo living."

She says, "I'll leave him here and move myself."

Okay, so thinks haven't changed and I think it's 3 weeks now since he's spoken to her. Why? We have no idea. This is just what he does. He'll stop talking to this woman, his wife, and she has no idea why. One day he'll start talking again, and she'll never find out what happened to begin with. He'd never consider counceling, so that's not an option.

I had breakfast with her this morning, curious if things have changed at all. She asks me if I brought the condo info like she requested and I hand it over to her. She looks at the plans and says, "He'd hate them." (okay, she included him, so maybe things have improved.) "But I really want to move without him."

I sit back, take a sip of coffee and say, "This is a big decision you are making. Are you sure you really want to do this?"

She answers, "We can't live together anymore. I think we'd get along better if we lived separately. But, I don't think I can afford that." After a moment of silence, she adds, "I don't think he'd ever talk to me again if I left."

I point out, "Then you wouldn't get along better if you did this."

"No," she says, "in fact, he could cut me out of his pension and all I'd get is social security."

When we leave the restaurant she says, "I'm going to show him the condo info and see what he says."

I reply, "He'll hate them, you know that. He's not the condo type of guy."

So, here I am...wanting to help this woman and at the same time feeling like I'm in the middle. I don't agree with the way she is being treated, but I feel like if she goes through with this, he'll know I helped her and I'll be on the outs with him too, and I don't want that. They have BOTH been there for me, and I love them BOTH - - so what am I going to do? What would you do?

Hell bound? I think not!

So, I'm Catholic - born and raised, and continue to be a practicing, active, Catholic.

My mother was born, raised Catholic, and raised her children Catholic. But when she moved out to Pennsylvania, she decided she needed something else and converted to Born Again.

My sister was Catholic and taught CCD (religion classes for kids that went to public school).

We are all VERY strong in our faith, live our lives as christians, and believe that Jesus is our Savior.

In addition to Catholic and Born Again, there are a bigillion OTHER religions: Methodist, Lutheran, and Baptist to name a few...but does one religion guarantee your place in heaven?

I can not count the number of times people have cringed when I told them I am Catholic. How often I have heard, "Don't you want to be saved?" So, what - because I'm Catholic, I'm damned?

I am sick of everyone bashing the Catholic religion because they don't understand why it's an obligation to go to church every Sunday, confession, rosary, or they think it's bad that we pray to saints in addition to God. In the broad spectrum of things, does it really matter? Is it hurting anyone else that we do these things? And aren't you 'judging' me just because I'm Catholic?

Isn't the bottom line to believe in God; believe that He sent his Son, Jesus, here to save us; to spread His word; and to live our lives as good christians? Does it really matter what 'religion' you are? Is God really up there saying, "Gee, Karen is a good person; she follows the rules of God...oh well, too bad she's Catholic and not ______!"

My sister was handicapped. She had medical problems her entire life. At one point it got bad enough that she had to be let go from her job because she was missing so much work -- a job she loved and her bosses loved her. Instead of letting that get her down, she turned to volunteer work. She volunteered at NYU hospital in the pediatric ward, she taught CCD in 3 churches, along with the children's choir, and gave what little money she had to charities all over the place. Can people honestly sit there and say she went to hell because she was a Catholic?

You can insult me, and laugh or cringe when you hear I am Catholic....but you know what? I'm a Catholic AND PROUD OF IT!

A long time coming....

Well, finally, on Saturday, after two other attempts, Nick passed his learner's permit exam. This was the first time I got to go - the other two times he went with Michael, because I was doing something else.

So, as he walked over to do the test - we went to the waiting area. Michael sat and was getting annoyed that I wouldn't. Not only that, I was staring at him; studing his body language and "giving him the good vibes." Michael thought I was being totally ridiculous - but when Nick turned around and gave us a thumbs up - I was so proud!

Michael told him what I was doing and how he was yelling at me to 'stop!'. Nick laughed and said I was the one bringing him to the driving test 6 months from now.

Now, comes the actual "teaching". I always figured I'd be the one to do it, because, hey, I've taught a few of my friends back in New York how to drive. But Michael was always under the impression HE would be doing it.

I love Michael dearly, but patience is NOT his strong suit. Nick is fully aware of this. I've been there....trying to learn how to drive stick from an x-boyfriend who did nothing but yell and scream at me and you know what? It stressed me out and made learning it impossible. A few days later his friend took me out and I learned in 15 mins. I don't want that for Nick. But when Michael comes to me and says, "Please don't take this from me..." What am I to do?

Nick prefers I'm the one that teach him, but I told him he had to give Michael a chance.

So, here we go...I'm super excited for him, but in this world of texting and driving I'm completely HORRIFIED at the same time! We've talked - endlessly - about drinking and driving and texting and driving. His driver's education class has showed gruesome videos and I've shared youtube vids. But we all know that kids think they are invinceable.

And to make me feel better, I noticed on Saturday night, while at a confirmation party, that he was texting without looking. Without hesitation, and in front of EVERYONE (people I don't know too well), yelled, "Whoa! Don't think just because you can text without looking that it gives you the okay to text and drive!" His response of course was, "Mom, I'm not stupid!"

So, as I let him go a little more, and as he takes the next step towards total independence, what else can a mother to do but talk, talk, talk and pray until he comes home safely every night.

Wake up call

So, I've had issues lately.

Arguments with my husband.

Fights with my teenage son, who just last week, we got along splendidly.

'Discussions' with my youngest, who, ask Kim, is my #1 fan.

The real estate market sucks, and therefore, I just had my hours cut at work.

Jeanie, who has helped me through EVERYTHING over the past year, from Cindy to my cat, has been too busy to even 'talk' to me. And on the times I try to call her, I tense up, afraid I'll be "bothering" her, only for it to go into voice mail anyway.

My mom had a stress test - the technician after the test tells her there was a "little something." Her dr calls her a few days later and says everything is okay. So.....either one of them is reading the damn test wrong, or the dr felt the "little something" was so miniscule that it wasn't even worth telling her.

It is a moment in my life where I just want to stand up and scream, scream, scream.

But then I see what happened today in Japan. The 8.9 earthquake followed by the huge tsunami. I see the devastation, the death, the loss of EVERYTHING - memories, homes, and sadly, life. And I take a step back and think, at least I have my family to argue with, discuss things and fight with. At least my friends may be too busy to talk to me, but I know they love me. At least the "little something" wasn't a "BIG SOMETHING" and I still have my Mom with me.

So, in the wake of massive earthquakes and destructive tsunami's my prayers go out to all of those affected by this disaster; and I humbly add prayers of thanks. Thanking Him for the life I have, AS IS IT -- IN THIS MOMENT - because at least it's still huggable, touchable, and here.

To move or not to move

I had a specific idea for a blog, but I couldn't go through with it. It was going to be about my cat, Devotion, who I lost recently, and I was going to share what a great story she was, but I just can't do it yet...still too hard.

So, now I'm torn on what to write about. It's been so long since I blogged and soooo much has happened...I really don't know where to start. So, you know what....I'll start with what's going on right now in my life.

Bathrooms.

Yes, you read that right, bathrooms.

We have been considering moving for over a year now. Don't get me wrong, we love our present house, but we've decided that coming from New York, we really aren't cut out for the country stuff. We aren't comfortable with well and septic, and living on an acre of land...well, let's just say yard work is NOT my husbands forte'.

So, we decided were going to build the "affordable" version of our dream home. We were super excited to be able to pick out our house plan, cabinets, floors, lights, counter top....I'd give the boys their own bedrooms and I'd get a master suite with a jacuzzi tub and finally a deck off the kitchen. We toured builders model home and had our favorites. We dreamed BIG, but reasonably.

I work in a real estate office....I see the market every day and I went home several weeks ago and said, "We can't sell now. The market sucks and we'd never get what the house is worth and what we need to build the home we want."

Now comes the dilema. If we weren't selling, do we just remodel our home KNOWING that we won't get our money back? Years ago, when the market was normal, if you remodeled your kitchen or bathroom, you'd get your money back when you went to sell it. It's not like that now. If you spend $15,000 to remodel your kitchen, you spent $15,000 to make your house more saleable, but it won't increase your value of your home like it should.

We thought about the kids....Nick is out of high school in 2 years. If he goes away to college that would give Chris his own room anyway, and chances are, when Nick gets out of high school, if he goes to a local college, he'll just move into the spare bedroom downstairs, or according to him, get an apartment with his best friend.

We thought about us....we see what has happened with my father in law. He is in a home and my mother in law is not financially prepared for that. We definetely don't want to put our kids through all that. We thought maybe upgrading isn't a good idea. Maybe we should just stay where we are and downsize several years from now...

We talked about it in great length and decided we were going to stay and do some updating. We decided the first thing to do was to update the bathrooms. Michael wanted to update the main bathroom first; I wanted to update the lower level guest bathroom.

Changing the subject for a moment...I am a Josh Groban fan. Have been since the beginning of his career, and for all of you non-Josh fans, I am NOT NOT NOT referring to the "You raise me up" beginning. I'm talking about Ally McBeal time. Waaaaay back then.

After seeing him the 2nd time in concert,during his Awake tour, I decided to join his fan club. Not to make friends or anything, hell, I wasn't even going to post; I just wanted to learn more about him. Turns out my plan completely backfired, and after being on it several weeks, I started to post. Not only that, I made friends! GOOD friends. TRUE friends. Didn't matter what our ages were, they are truly wonderful people, and I am blessed to have each and every one of them in my life.

So, began our little annual convention that I hold at my house. Every July, the 5 or 6 of us get together and just have a blast. Granted, we TRY to get together other times during the year, but if that doesn't happen, we always know we'll see each other at the convention. And in case some people are thinking we just sit around giggling like teenagers over Josh Groban, you might be surprised to hear that we hardly EVER talk about him at all. He may have brought us together, but we are friends beyond his music.

This July marks the 3rd annual convention. And let me tell you...having you guys use that bathroom downstairs for the last 2 years had bothered me IMMENSELY!!! But, the upstairs bathroom wasn't much better. Hence, my argument for the guest bathroom to be remodeled FIRST.

We called a plumber in...got an estimate and when he said, "If you let me do both bathrooms, I'll cut off $2,000." DONE!

So, the downstairs bathroom was completed first. Ceramic tiled floor to ceiling, new euro sink, AWESOME shower (we've had to use it while the upstairs bathroom was being done), and I have to say, I LOVED it!!! So, this year ladies, you get to shower in an actual S-H-O-W-E-R. (Which some of you may need after we see the concert together) LOL

The upstairs bathroom was completely gutted. Tile was torn out down off the lower half of the walls and replaced with wainscotting. The blue, jacuzzi, cast iron tub was torn out and replaced with an acrylic tub and ceramic tiles. The 1970's poles that divided the sink from the toilet - GONE. The 61" vanity with single sink - ripped out and replaced with double undermount sinks, granite top, with 2 mirrors. The disgusting floor, is now heated ceramic tile floor that I can program when I want it to go on. I. LOVE. IT! All that is left is the shower doors that are special order, painting, and window treatments that I have to be satisfied with (I've gone through 3 already), but all in all I am very, very pleased.

I considered posting pictures, but decided to surprise you guys instead...

I guess this just proves that sometimes dreams can change, but you know what? Sometimes the alternative isn't that bad.