What do you do?

What do you do when a member of the family comes to you with the news they want to leave their spouse?

This is a couple who has been together for 49+ years and they have BOTH been there for me every time I've needed them.

What do you do when you hear, "I'm tired of being ignored. It's been over 2 weeks and he hasn't spoken to me. He goes out and doesn't tell me. I find myself eating dinner alone every night. What kind of life is that for me? I don't deserve to be treated like this."

As this news is soaking in, I 110% agree with her, but what am I going to do? My first reaction is, "You're right....come live with us, we'd love it!"

But as the days pass, I start to think - do I have a right to get involved? Isn't the other person involved going to feel like I'm taking sides? Am I going to be hated for helping her?

I have lunch with her a few days later, thinking things may have calmed down between them by now, and mention these condo's that are being built down the street from me. They are in an older community (50 year olds and up) and everything they could ever want is within walking distance.

She says, "You wouldn't want me right down the street from you."

I reply, "Sure, I would, but I still don't think he'd like condo living."

She says, "I'll leave him here and move myself."

Okay, so thinks haven't changed and I think it's 3 weeks now since he's spoken to her. Why? We have no idea. This is just what he does. He'll stop talking to this woman, his wife, and she has no idea why. One day he'll start talking again, and she'll never find out what happened to begin with. He'd never consider counceling, so that's not an option.

I had breakfast with her this morning, curious if things have changed at all. She asks me if I brought the condo info like she requested and I hand it over to her. She looks at the plans and says, "He'd hate them." (okay, she included him, so maybe things have improved.) "But I really want to move without him."

I sit back, take a sip of coffee and say, "This is a big decision you are making. Are you sure you really want to do this?"

She answers, "We can't live together anymore. I think we'd get along better if we lived separately. But, I don't think I can afford that." After a moment of silence, she adds, "I don't think he'd ever talk to me again if I left."

I point out, "Then you wouldn't get along better if you did this."

"No," she says, "in fact, he could cut me out of his pension and all I'd get is social security."

When we leave the restaurant she says, "I'm going to show him the condo info and see what he says."

I reply, "He'll hate them, you know that. He's not the condo type of guy."

So, here I am...wanting to help this woman and at the same time feeling like I'm in the middle. I don't agree with the way she is being treated, but I feel like if she goes through with this, he'll know I helped her and I'll be on the outs with him too, and I don't want that. They have BOTH been there for me, and I love them BOTH - - so what am I going to do? What would you do?