Well, the results are in...

So 8 days after hearing the autopsy results were in, my brother finally got the call yesterday.

All this time, from the day she died, and we knew we were getting an autopsy done, I expected nothing less than peace from finally knowing what it was that took Cindy away from us. But, after getting the results I feel anything, BUT that.

I'm mad, I'm bitter, I'm angry, I'm stunned, I'm depressed. I realize I may wake up tomorrow and feel totally different, but right now, in this moment, it's how I feel. I couldn't sleep last night, so I stayed up and cried at how much more unfair this all seems now, because it was treatable.

Cindy died of pneumonia. That's right, pneumonia!

So, for all those weeks that she was so sick. All those nights she called her friend in panic mode and said when she laid down at night she'd cough so bad and couldn't breathe, if she would've just went to the doctor, in a reasonable amount of time, there is a probability she would not have died. This, infuriates me.

My friends say, "You know if she knew, she wouldn't have let it go." Of course not! She loved the kids she worked with, her friends, her nephews and us, of course if she knew she would've went to the doctor, but the bottom line is...she's not here with us anymore because of something treatable.

Friends also say, "Well Leslie Neilsen just died from it last week." Yes, but he was in his 80's?! Older people that are ill, usually pneumonia will do them in, I KNOW that, but NOT a 49 year old, healthy woman!

The medical examiner also said that pneumonia mixed with her high blood pressure makes it more serious, but she also said if she would've went to the doctor, most likely she would've recovered.

In the grieving process, I felt I have made pretty good progress. Thanksgiving was good and I actually had a bit of the Christmas spirit, but after hearing this, I feel like she just died all over again.

It's just a shame, its unfair and it was unnecessary.

As unhealthy as it is, I'm hurt, angry, heartbroken, and mad, and I may be for a while.