So, I've been considering doing this 'blog' thing for a while. I'd come in here, start to type out what's going on in my life and then think, "Would people really care what is going on in MY life? Are they really interested in those deep, deep, almost dear diary thoughts? What the hell am I doing?" This thought was quickly followed by the tap of the 'Delete' button.
Then I lost my sister - suddenly.
At the age of 49-totally unexpected-out of the blue-no preparation-no warning- just 'ring-ring' Hello? Yes, your sister has passed away-knock the breath out of you-room is spinning-tunnel vision, kind-of-sudden.
It's been a little over five months, with STILL no autopsy results, and as much as that sucks and this whole situation sucks, I think I'm doing, okay. I still have bad days and not a day goes by that I don't think about her, or the regrets, or wonder WHY, but on the whole - I'm okay.
So, I'm sitting at the kitchen table last night, flipping through a Christmas catalog, and I come across those ornaments you give people who have lost loved ones throughout the year. You know the kind..."Don't cry that I'm not here, I'm spending my Christmas with Jesus this year." And I sat there and cried, and cried, and cried, but you know what...
I'm okay.
I am okay.
I AM OKAY - At least that's what I keep telling myself.
So, I started thinking this morning that maybe I may need to do this blog. Maybe I can use it as a sort of therapy. Not only that, maybe I can help someone else who's going through this, or we can help each other. And if you've never been through something like this, maybe if you ever find yourself in this situation, God forbid, you can validate the, oh, I don't know, 10,000 emotions you'll go through - daily.
So, I just wanted to announce that I'm finally going to do this (at least I think I am). My question to you is...
Would people really want to know what's going on in MY life? Do they really want to know those deep, deep, almost dear diary thoughts? Or do I just keep hitting the delete button?
The perpetual dilema
14 years ago
One word: Yes!
ReplyDeleteYes, sweetie, yes, yes, a thousand yeses. We want to know. From the very bottom of our heart we want to know. As I sit here w/ tears on my cheeks, I can tell you that you should NOT hit the delete button. You should keep writing. You will help others. And you will help yourself. I promise. I speak from experience. And I? Am sooo farking smart.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know you and I'm hooked. I would love to keep reading about your journey.
ReplyDeleteI heard about you through Kim - just so you don't think I'm a complete freak. :)
People do want to know, because we care about you :)
ReplyDeleteABSOULTELY!!! you know we're all here for you and willing to lend a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on whenever you need to vent.
ReplyDelete**hugs**
If there were a like feature, I'd like Leslie's comment...as well as Tara's..and Kim's..ha!
ReplyDeleteOf course I'm interested! As someone I consider to be a good friend I care about you. I've not experienced the death of a sibling, but I did experience the death of my aunt a few years back who was like a best friend to me. I kept my emotions so bottled up during her illness and into her death that I was a walking time bomb. I didn't think anyone understood what I was feeling & I didn't know what to do about it all. If this is the outlet that you need, go for it! If you ever feel like it is too much, don't sweat it ... we'll all be alright ... LOL. Love you girl!
ReplyDelete